When Sh*t Gets Real: How to Be a LOUDER GIRL When It Happens to You

“Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.” — John Lennon

At LOUDER GIRL, we talk about disrupting the noise of a culture that rewards hustle and perfection. But what happens when you’re the one who loses it? When your plans go sideways and your calm flies out the window?

That’s when life tests everything you’ve learned, and the real work begins.

The Land of Enchantment

In 2004, I fell in love with Taos, New Mexico. Red cliffs that blush at sunset. Sage and pine perfuming the air. Thunderstorms that roll through with drama and beauty. It’s light and dark, which speaks to writers, creatives, and artists.

It’s where I breathe deeper, walk slower, and feel my heartbeat sync with the land. I go there to write, reflect, and remember who I am.

So, when I planned to spend almost a month in Taos this November, I was ecstatic. I’d been there dozens of times. I knew the roads, the way the sunlight changes with the seasons, even the smell of the air after rain. I was ready for peace, creativity, and maybe a little magic.

Cue the Chaos

My calm cracked before I even left the Albuquerque airport.

David (my husband) and I reached the car rental counter. After a greeting and five minutes passed, the agent gum snapping, eyes on his screen, typed furiously and said without looking up, “We can’t rent to you.”

Excuse me? My blood pressure shot through the roof.

Through clenched teeth, I asked WHY THEY COULDN'T rent to me.

Still smacking his gum and looking at the computer, he said "It looks like you owe money from last year's rental." He shrugged. "I don't--"

I could feel San Diego Michelle, the one with zero chill, clawing her way to the surface.

Finally, after forty-five minutes on the phone with corporate, I got confirmation that the balance had been paid months ago. We could rent the car.

Crisis #1: handled.

Arrival to Taos... and Meltdown #2

In Santa Fe, we stocked up at Trader Joe’s, blasted 70s songs on the drive (“September,” “Midnight Train to Georgia,” “Hold the Line”), and wound our way through golden cottonwoods toward Taos.

Five hours later after landing in New Mexico, we pulled into our casita’s driveway. The air cool and crisp, and I exhaled.

Home.

We unpacked the car and put the groceries away, settled Hazel (the dog) and Hurley (the cat) back into the house. We left our luggage and backpacks on the living room floor. David took out his computer and set it up on the dining room table. I looked around for my blue backpack with my laptop, book draft, notes, contacts, and planner. 

“Where’s my computer?” I asked David.

He shrugged.

And that was it. I snapped.

I ran to the car and searched it. I cursed. I accused. I panicked. My mind spun worst-case scenarios:
My book is gone. My work is gone. My peace is gone.

I called the rental company. The automated system mocked me. I yelled. I cried. I hated everything — the flight, the car, the state of New Mexico.

Hours later, my phone rang.

“Is this Michelle Zive? We have your blue backpack.”

The shuttle company had found it and locked it in their office. Relief washed over me so fast I collapsed on the couch.

The next day, David and I drove five hours round-trip to pick it up. On the way back, I looked out the window at the endless sky, the golden fields, the light, and realized something had shifted: 

I love this place.

I love who I am here.

Now.

The Lesson: When Sh*t Happens, Listen

Why tell this story?

Because it’s easy to stay centered when life is smooth. The real test is when things fall apart, even in your happiest place.

The old Michelle would’ve stayed angry. She would’ve blamed the airline, the rental company, the universe.

The LOUDER GIRL version of me? She listened for the lesson.

1. There are still good people in the world. (Thank you, Greg from the shuttle bus company, for being one of them.)
2. I can choose my reaction.
3. Perspective is power.

While I was losing my mind over a computer, other women were losing parents, battling cancer, or fighting to keep their SNAP and health benefits.

That reminder hit hard. Sometimes, you need to tell yourself the truth with compassion:

“Get over yourself, Love. You’re safe. You’re okay. Breathe.”

How to Stop the Spiral

When you feel panic taking over — whether it’s a lost laptop or an unexpected change in the plan — here’s how to bring yourself back to the present:

1. Name It. Say, “I’m spiraling.” Labeling your emotion creates space between you and the chaos.
2. Move It. Stretch, walk, dance, or scrub the kitchen counter. Movement grounds you.
3. Breathe It Out. Slow, deep breaths regulate your nervous system and calm your body’s alarm bells.

LOUDER GIRL Mindset Shifts

At LOUDER GIRL, we don’t pretend everything’s fine. We practice transforming the messy moments into strength.

Here’s how:

• Challenge the Thought.
  Ask yourself, “Is this based on fact or fear?” Shift from “I’ll never get it back” to “What’s the most likely outcome?” (Spoiler: someone calls you with good news.)
• Practice Radical Self-Compassion.
  Talk to yourself like you would your best friend: “You’re doing your best. It’s okay to fall apart sometimes.”
• Surround Yourself with Real Support.
  The LOUDER GIRL community is for women who get it, hold space for it, and help you rise from it.

Join the LOUDER GIRL movement!

We don’t just talk about empowerment; we practice it together.

How to get involved:

BECOMING A LOUDER GIRL free webinars:

Paying It Forward During Native American Month
Date: November 17th
Time: 4 PM to 5 PM Pacific
RSVP Here → https://www.loudergirl.com/webinar
Walk away with community and support, peace, and renewed power.

HEROINE RISING: A 6-Week Live Workshop
Date: 2026 Dates TBA
Time: 4 PM – 5:30 PM Pacific
Format: 90 minutes Live on Zoom
Step into your story unapologetically — surrounded by women who see and celebrate you.

You’ll learn to:

• Mother yourself.
• Love yourself.
• And rise — not just for you, but for every woman who comes after.

SIGN UP HERE for the waiting list → https://www.loudergirl.com/gatherings

LOUDER GIRL Truth
You can’t always control what happens, but you can own your reaction, rewrite your story, and rise louder every time.

Join the movement → LouderGirl.com/join