IGNITED LEADERSHIP: WHEN DID YOU STOP LISTENING TO YOUR BODY?

For the first 35 years of my life, I ignored my body.

Actually, ignored isn’t strong enough.

I undervalued it. Neglected it. Controlled it. Overrode it.

Mostly, I treated my body as something that needed to behave.

DON'T MAKE A FUSS

I grew up in a time when we didn’t talk about “bodily functions.” We certainly didn’t talk about periods.

Instead, we got pamphlets about becoming the “Modern Girl”—confident, active, fresh, and unfazed by menstruation.

Not surprisingly, many of these pamphlets came from companies like Tampax and Kotex.

It’s Time You Knew…, distributed by Tampax, featured Doris, the “Modern Girl” who wouldn’t let her period stop her from smiling, staying fresh, swimming, playing sports, or living normally.

The message?

Keep going.

Be attractive and pleasant—even while bleeding.

Don’t complain about cramps or other symptoms.

Stay fresh so you don’t offend anyone.

Eat sensibly. Get enough sleep. Maintain good posture.

And for God’s sake, act normal.

Do you remember this?

I do.

And I believed it.

It was one of my earliest lessons about my body:

Control it. Quiet it. Keep going.

THEN PUBERTY ARRIVED

Puberty was a body fuck.

Breasts. Hips. Body fat.

Hair under my arms and “down there.”

Oily skin. Zits. Blackheads. Body odor.

My body seemed to be taking over.

And I wasn't having it.

I had already learned as a young girl that my body could attract unwanted attention. I had grown up with chaos. Becoming a woman seemed like it might create even more.

So, I did what I knew how to do.

I took control.

By senior year of high school, at 5'6", I'd gone from 125 pounds to 103.

I ate very little and exercised about two hours a day.

Eventually, I stopped having my period.

My body was talking.

I wasn't listening.

In college, I was hospitalized as part of a study on amenorrhea—the absence of menstruation.

Bill, a guy I'd recently met at a fraternity party, came to visit me. He brought a Matchbox car, climbed into my hospital bed, made me laugh, and eventually cajoled me into eating more.

I gained weight.

Problem solved.

Ha.

That was the story I told myself.

My weight had been the only visible symptom of something much deeper.

But from the outside, I looked cured.

Marriage. Motherhood. Career at UC San Diego. House. Cars. Vacations. Friends.

Look at Michelle. She's got her shit together.

Such a good girl.

Except my body kept talking.

First, it whispered.

Severe dermatitis covered my hands. My skin became so raw it caught on my daughters' clothing when I dressed them. I wore gloves.

Then came the anxiety.

I couldn't eat.

I couldn't sleep.

Still, I kept going.

So, my body got louder.

And louder.

Until finally, at 30, during an important conference in New Orleans with very important people doing very important things, my body screamed.

I broke down.

My body was D-O-N-E.

WE LEARN TO LEAD FROM THE NECK UP

My story is mine, but the larger story isn't unique.

Girls and women are taught repeatedly to distrust or override what our bodies tell us.

Don't be so emotional.

Be rational.

Push through.

You're fine.

Be productive.

Use your head.

We privilege logic, data, productivity, and expertise while dismissing intuition, sensation, emotion, and embodied knowing.

And leadership culture reinforces it.

Analyze. Strategize. Measure. Decide. Execute.

The message is clear:

Your mind leads. Your body follows.

Bullshit.

WE HAVE BEEN CUT OFF FROM OURSELVES

In If Women Rose Rooted, Sharon Blackie argues that our disconnection from ourselves is linked to something much bigger: our disconnection from the natural world.

We have been separated from place, nature, intuition, and what Blackie describes as our connection to the rhythms of nature, our physical bodies, and the seasons and stages of our lives.

We've learned to override our rhythms instead of live them.

So:

We produce when we're tired.

We say we're “fine” when we're not.

We keep going when we're depleted.

We dismiss intuition because it isn't “logical.”

We treat menstruation, pregnancy, menopause, aging, hunger, sexuality, grief, exhaustion, and physical change as problems to manage rather than information to receive.

Think about that.

WE LEARNED TO DOMINATE THE EARTH. WE LEARNED TO DOMINATE OUR BODIES.  

Blackie connects the domination of women with the domination of the natural world.

The Earth became a resource to exploit.

The body became a machine to manage.

Both were expected to produce.

Both were valued for their usefulness.

Both were controlled.

Both were treated as problems when they refused to cooperate.

And eventually?

Both push back.

That's what happened to me.

My body finally said:

Listen, Mind, you've fucked this up long enough.

ENOUGH.

It's time to come home.

YOUR BODY IS A COMPASS

It took me decades to understand something that now seems so obvious:

The body is a source of knowledge.

It communicates constantly.

Tightness.

Fatigue.

Restlessness.

Pleasure.

Energy.

Dread.

Relief.

A racing heart.

That knot in your stomach when something doesn't feel right.

That sense of expansion when it does.

These sensations aren't commands. They don't always tell us exactly what to do.

But they are data.

Instead of automatically overriding them, Ignited Leadership asks us to become curious.

What is my body telling me?

What have I been ignoring?

What do I need?

Leadership from within means we stop treating our bodies as inconvenient passengers while our brains drive the car.

We invite them back into the conversation.

Because:

Your body may not always have the answer.
But it is always part of the conversation.

3 IGNITED MOMENTS: LET YOUR BODY SPEAK

1. ASK YOUR BODY FIRST.
Before saying yes, pause for ten seconds. Do I tighten or soften? Contract or expand? Feel dread or energy? Don't decide yet. Just notice.

2. STOP ONE “PUSH THROUGH.”
Catch yourself overriding hunger, exhaustion, pain, or the need for a break. Today, respond to one signal instead of ignoring it.

3. TRY THE HELL YES / HELL NO TEST.
Think about a commitment, invitation, conversation, or decision. Say YES out loud. Notice your body. Then say NO. Notice again.

What changed?

Maybe Ignited Leadership doesn't begin with becoming louder.

Maybe it begins by becoming quiet enough to hear the voice that's been there all along.

Your own.