At 49, I found out we were screwed.
The game is rigged, and we are losing.

I’d just started my PhD leadership program. In my very first class, not one woman was mentioned. Not even a dead one like Eleanor Roosevelt.

I was reminded of Marian Wright Edelman’s quote, "You can’t be what you can’t see.”

After class, I approached the professor.

“Why weren’t any women mentioned in your lecture?” I asked. 

He shrugged, tapping his index finger to his lips. “I don’t know why. I hadn’t given it much thought.”
Then, almost as an afterthought: “But I’ll consider it when I teach this class next fall.”

I never followed up to see if he’d changed the syllabus. I had bigger problems.

The Shrinking Woman

Throughout the PhD program, there were both covert and overt ways to keep me — and women like me — small and silent.

Classmates lectured me that my story didn’t matter because I was a white, privileged woman. Meanwhile, in that same class, the professor sexually assaulted me.

Shhhhhhhhhhh.

Four years later, I stood in front of my dissertation committee: my Chair, my original Chair who had left mid-program, and a hostile alumna who was mad at me for not getting her a parking space.

I stood there 30 pounds heavier than when I started the program. I’d numbed myself with Cabernet and frosted sugar cookies, and sacrificed my workouts I’d done religiously since I was 14.

Now the spotlight was on me, yet all I wanted was to shrink.
Inside, I heard the voices that had tormented me throughout the PhD program:

Who do you think you are?
You don’t matter.

I looked toward the back of the classroom where my husband, kids, friends, and my parents sat.

 My dad stood and asked: “Who here told my daughter she couldn’t get her PhD?”

The room went silent.

I begged him with my eyes: Please don’t blow this. I just need their signatures.

An hour later, I not only got those signatures, but my Chair poked his head out into the hall:
“Congratulations, Dr. Zive. Yours was the best dissertation defense I’ve ever witnessed.”

For the first time in a long time, I felt invincible.

Don’t Let the Screen Door Hit You

In January 2017, I walked in the hooding ceremony to signify my PhD. Scholar. Colleague. Doctor.

That same month, I was “asked” to semi-retire from UC San Diego’s Center for Community Health after 30+ years, 50+ publications, and $20M in funding that I’d brought in.

YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT. MOVE ALONG.

For the next two years, I hibernated. I slept. I licked my wounds.

But like a bear emerging from winter, I eventually roared back.

I created a movement — LOUDER GIRL — so women could find their voices, tell their stories, and disrupt the toxic narratives culture has sold us.

And Then… Life Happened

• COVID-19 made it impossible to start a community when you’re just trying to survive.
  
• Part-time jobs to keep the lights on.
  
• Organizations that demanded my soul but left nothing for LOUDER GIRL.
  
• Perimenopause: the blood, the depression, the itchy dry skin, the weight gain, the brain fog.
  

I wanted to disappear. 

Because that’s what society tells us: once our uteruses stop working, so do we.

Breaking the Silence Barrier

Here’s how I got LOUD, bold, and visible again:

1. Put myself first. Started HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy). HALLELUJAH.
   
2. Cultivated my self-worth.
   
3. Spoke directly, with eye contact.
   
4. Stopped apologizing (even sarcastically).
   
   

How YOU Can Get Loud

• Reframe self-talk. Stop saying “I don’t matter.” Start saying “I’m here and I matter.”
  
• Celebrate your strengths. Write down your talents and accomplishments — then share one with someone you trust. Ask them to share theirs.
  
• Build sisterhood. Brave is contagious.
  
  

How LOUDER GIRL Helps

1. Community. Sister, we’ve got your back.
   
2. Redefining failure. Mistakes aren’t shameful — they’re stepping stones.
   
3. Whole-self well-being. Mental, physical, spiritual, social, and emotional.
   
4. Disrupting stereotypes. Challenging the toxic narratives that keep us small.
   
   

Ready to Get LOUDER?

If you're ready to unleash your happiness through storytelling, join me at the next FREE immersive LOUDER GIRL Webinar: 

BECOMING A LOUDER GIRL: Call in Your Power, Let Go of Your Limits, and Blind 'Em with Your Brilliance
Date: September 4, 2025
Time: 4 PM to 5 PM Pacific
RSVP Here: https://www.loudergirl.com/webinar
You’ll walk away with new clarity, renewed confidence, and maybe even the first chapter of your transformation. 

HEROINE RISING
A 6-week live workshop beginning September 11th. Together, we will:

• Quiet the inner critic.
• Release limiting beliefs.
• Step boldly into our stories.

Date: Thursdays starting September 11th
Time: 4 pm – 5:30 pm PT
Where: Live on Zoom
Sign up here: https://www.loudergirl.com/gatherings

Through guided storytelling, writing, and sisterhood, you’ll learn to take up space unapologetically, speak your truth with confidence, and rise in the company of women who uplift and celebrate you.