IGNITED LEADERSHIP: POWER-WITH, NOT POWER-OVER

How One Doctor Helped Me Find My Voice in Perimenopause

In my last blog post, My Hormones Didn’t Betray Me. The System Did. , I finally told the truth about eight years of hormonal hell endured in silence.

Depression.
Weight gain.
Acne.
Hair loss… and hair growth in places I never invited it.
Dark spots.
Dry, itchy skin.
Anxiety.
A body that no longer felt like mine.

I asked for help.

And I was told:

• Eat less. Exercise more.
• Have more foreplay.
• Try harder.

I left those doctor’s visits full of shame.

SILENCE IS A SYSTEM

Photo: Silence is a system

Who could I turn to?

Not my friends — none of us spoke about it.
Not my family — these topics were taboo.

The words perimenopause and menopause felt dirty.
The cultural story shouted: You’re no longer useful. You’re invisible.

Only 8% of NIH funding goes to women’s health and most of that is focused on fertility research.

The message? Once reproduction ends, so does attention.

So, I did something radical.

I got loud.

THE MOMENT I CHOSE POWER-WITH

At my next physical I said:

“I want to talk about Hormone Therapy.”

And my doctor said:

“Here’s Dr. Courtney O’Bryan’s information. She’s an expert in menopause and HT.”

I made the appointment terrified I’d be dismissed again.

COURTNEY O’BRYAN, DO

Photo: Courtney O'Bryan

“Hi Michelle,” she said, smiling.
“Tell me why you’re here.”

And everything poured out.

Ten minutes of tears.
Shame.
Loneliness.
Body odor.
Belly fat.
Hair loss.
Depression.
Fear.

She listened.

Then she said:

“I’ve got you. We’ll figure this out together.”

Together.
Not above me.
Not over me.
With me.

For the first time in years, I felt seen.

WHAT IS IGNITED LEADERSHIP?

Ignited Leadership is a relational, embodied, story-driven leadership model rooted in:

• Self-truth
• Shared power
• Courage
• Disrupting systems that silence women

STEP ONE: LEADERSHIP STARTS WITHIN

We cannot lead others if we abandon ourselves.

Ignited Leaders practice:

• Self-devotion
• Self-compassion
• Radical honesty
• Voice
• Values

IGNITED LEADERSHIP CORE BELIEF: POWER-WITH, NOT POWER-OVER

Power-over says:

• I know better.
• Be quiet.
• Fall in line.

Photo: Power with

Power-with says:

• Let’s figure this out together.
• Your story matters.
• You are not broken.

Courtney O’Bryan embodies power-with medicine and healing.

MEET AN IGNITED LEADER: COURTNEY O’BRYAN, DO

Photo: Courtney O'Bryan DO

Champion for Women in Midlife & Beyond

“One voice can change someone’s life.”

When I told Courtney how deeply her presence impacted me, I asked:

“Would you be willing to be interviewed for LOUDER GIRL?”

She said YES.

Because she believes what we believe:

• Community matters.
• Stories heal.
• Old narratives must be disrupted.
• Leadership happens through storytelling, sharing stories.

Why did you choose women’s health?

“We weren’t getting the support or resources we deserved.”

What’s your biggest fear?

“Not having enough knowledge or experience to meet each woman where she is.”

What kept you going?

“Thinking about all the women who needed answers.”

Courtney’s self-care as a leader:

“I rest. I slow down. I move my body. I connect to community. I set boundaries.”

She’s done apologizing.

THIS IS IGNITED LEADERSHIP

This story is Ignited Leadership because:
✔ I reclaimed my voice
✔ Courtney shared power instead of authority
✔ We co-created care
✔ The system was disrupted
✔ A woman was believed
✔ Healing became relational
✔ Shame turned into story

This is what leadership looks like in women’s bodies and lives.

Not domination.
Connection.

Not silence.
Story.

Dr. Z’s Self-Care Moment

Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly.

Ask yourself:

“Where have I been quiet about my body?”
“What truth is ready to be spoken?”

My body is not broken. It is asking to be heard.

That’s Ignited Leadership.

RECOMMENDED READING & RESOURCES

1. The New Menopause: Navigating Your Path Through Hormonal Change with Purpose, Power, and Facts by Mary Claire Haver, MD

2. The New Perimenopause: An Evidence-Based Guide to Surviving the Zone of Chaos and Feeling Like Yourself Again by Mary Claire Haver, MD

3. You Are Not Broken: Stop “Should-ing” All Over Your Sex Life by Kelly Casperson, MD

4. The Menopause Brain: New Science Empowers Women to Navigate the Pivotal Transition with Knowledge and Confidence by Lisa Mosconi, PhD, Foreword by Maria Shriver
5. Let’s Talk Menopause is a national nonprofit organization invested in changing the conversation around menopause so women get the information they need and the healthcare they deserve.

CONTACT: COURTNEY O’BRYAN, DO

San Diego Life Wellness Institute
https://mylwi.com
Family Practice:
6699 Alvarado Rd, Suite 2100
San Diego, CA 92120
619-229-3909

Join the LOUDER GIRL Community

If this story stirred something in you:

• Stop suffering in silence
• Ask the questions
• Share your story
• Advocate for your body
• Find power-with care
• Disrupt the old narrative

You are not alone.
You are not weak.
You are not broken.

Need a community? Join the LOUDER GIRL Community.
https://www.loudergirl.com/join 

Looking for a place to ask questions and share your story?

Then join LOUDER GIRL webinars.

Power With, Not Power Over
February 2 & 16 | 4–5 PM Pacific
Explore a new way of leading rooted in shared power, trust, and connection not hierarchy, fear, or control. Learn how power-with shows up in everyday leadership moments.

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