BECOMING A LOUDER GIRL: Reclaiming Rest, Reflection, and Renewal

Photo: Kelly Marie at 6 months

To Marcia, my sister.

I lay in my queen-size bed. Kelly wailed beside me. I had no idea what day it was—just that it was late morning and Bill had dropped Molly at preschool. The house was empty except for Kelly’s screams. Her tiny fists were clenched, body rigid, face red and shriveled. She wailed; I cried silently.

“Please, Kelly, be quiet,” I whispered. “Please.”

I looked at her little face and cried even harder because she was hurting. I knew I’d done this to her. An anxious baby born to an anxious mom. She was my mirror, and I had nothing to soothe either of us.

Exhausted, I flung myself back on the pillows. Kelly was only three months old. Neither of us had slept. Her colic. Her agitation. My anxiety. It was all a tangled mess.

“Michelle…”

My eyes were closed. Had I drifted off? No. Kelly was still screaming.

“MICHELLE!”

I opened my eyes. There was Marcia, standing in the doorway, taking in the scene with compassion—not pity, even though I was sure I deserved it. I was a mess. I couldn’t console my baby. I’d never let anyone see me undone. I had always been the one who had her shit together.

How did Marcia know to come? Rescue Kelly and me?

Marcia scooped Kelly into her arms and said, “We’re going to hang out in the family room. Get some sleep. Everything’s going to be okay.”

I collapsed into a deep sleep.

Reclaiming Rest

It took me twenty-five years—yes, 25—to reclaim rest. To embrace it as a badge of honor, not a confession of failure. To do so, I had to stop worshiping at the altar of productivity and hustle.

Photo: Climbing the ladder

I used to brag through my actions:
Look how accomplished I am.
I’m indispensable.
You need me.

And then life said, Actually, you’re not.

UC San Diego pushed me out after thirty years of service. No fanfare. No gratitude. Not even a kiss. And I realized:

• I was bone tired.
• I was empty.
• I was done performing as superhuman.

Initially, I tricked myself into napping. I told myself, “Taking a nap is doing something.”
It worked. I built a relationship with rest, little by little.

Today, my rest rituals include:

• Napping
• Reading
• Reality TV
• Porch sitting
• Couch flopping

I now announce my naps like a queen returning to her throne, “I’m taking a nap!”
I practically skip to bed.

Photo: Me resting in hammock

December Is Your Excuse. You’re Welcome.

“We must believe we are worthy of rest. We don’t have to earn it. It is our birthright. It is one of our most ancient and primal needs.”—Tricia Hersey

During December, the winter months, nature whispers, “Hey queens, slow your roll.”

• Trees shed their leaves.
  
  Photo: Taos Trees 
• Animals hibernate.
• The earth moves inward and rests.

Um, Dr. Z, we have jobs, kids, obligations. It’s the holiday season.  There’s buying presents, baking and cooking, hosting, and visiting my great Aunt Dora.

Rest? Is this a frickin' joke?

But hear me:

Those are cultural expectations, not human needs. 

In Tricia Hersey’s book, “Rest Is Resistance: Free Yourself from Grind Culture and Reclaim Your Life,” she calls rest a “radical act of resistance.” It’s how we push back against our grind culture, white supremacy, and capitalism.

Photo: Tricia Hersey’s book, “Rest Is Resistance: Free Yourself from Grind Culture and Reclaim Your Life

Rest helps us:

• Reclaim our humanity
• Heal from exhaustion and cultural demands
• Reconnect to our bodies and imagination

Five Ways to Reclaim Rest

1. Play

Play = Rest from doing. Try:

• Dancing to your favorite song
• Jumping on your bed
• Kicking a soccer ball
• Doodling
• Riding a skateboard (yes, yours or your kid’s)
• Crocheting (Hi, Molly!)
• Rolling around with your dog or partner

2. Look for Beauty

We miss so much because we’re doom scrolling. Instead notice:

• The taste of an orange
• The tinkling of a windchime
• A Northern Flicker outside your window
• The smell of cinnamon
• The feel of your favorite sweats

3. Rest for Your Brain

• Journal/brain dump: clear the mental clutter
• Digital detox: set “Do Not Disturb” on your phone or move it to another room
• Sit in silence / rest your eyes: 60 seconds is enough

4. Social Rest

• Be with people who energize you
• Surround yourself with positivity
• Avoid or limit “energy vampires”

5. Create a Place to Rest

Your sanctuary can be:

• A porch swing with the scent of sage and pine
• Your bedroom with pillows, candles, ocean photos, and lavender
• Your car (yes, your car!) with the doors locked and 90s hits blasting

Links:

https://club31women.com/17-wonderful-ways-woman-can-find-rest-refreshment/

https://notesbythalia.com/burnout-activities/

https://www.oprahdaily.com/entertainment/books/a65352252/burnout-recovery-hacks-excerpt/

This month’s LOUDER GIRL message is simple but revolutionary: rest is not weakness, laziness, or something you must earn. Rest is your birthright. It is how you reclaim your power, your imagination, and your humanity. December invites us to slow down, to listen, to shed what no longer serves us—just like the trees—and to return to ourselves with compassion and gentleness. Whether through play, beauty, silence, boundaries, or creating your own sanctuary, may you give yourself permission to rest boldly, rest loudly, and rest without apology.

Upcoming Gatherings

RSVP for Free BECOMING A LOUDER GIRL December Webinars:
The winter months give us permission to reclaim rest, reflect, and renew. Join these free webinars to find out how and get support from other women.

BECOMING A LOUDER GIRL: Reclaiming Rest, Reflection, and Renewal
December 8th and 22nd | 4–5 PM Pacific
Walk away with connection, support, peace, and the fire to keep going.
YES, I’m In → RSVP Now https://www.loudergirl.com/webinar

Coming Soon: HEROINE RISING: A 6-Week Live Workshop
Step Fully Into Your Power and Be the Heroine of Your Own Story
This is the next level — for the woman ready to stop shrinking and start SHINING, unapologetically surrounded by women who see and celebrate her.

In this workshop, you’ll discover:

• How to become the heroine of your story
• How to reclaim your power
• How to “mother” and love yourself to find and use your voice
• How to become an awakened/conscious/whole leader, the kind the world needs
• How we rise together

Spaces are limited. Join the waiting list and claim your seat at the table of sisterhood.

Put Me on the Wait List! → https://www.loudergirl.com/gatherings