BECOMING A LOUDER GIRL: Reclaiming Our Power Through Rest, Reflection, and Healing

Celtic Tree

“We are bleeding at the roots, because we are cut off from the earth and sun and stars.” —Sharon Blackie, If Women Rose Rooted

Cut Off at the Roots: My Early Disconnection

I remember what it felt like to be bleeding from my roots or more accurately, to be cut off from them.

For thirty years, I lived as a body controlled by my mind, societal expectations, and my lifelong Type A perfectionism. As the oldest daughter raised in chaos, I became a good girl. I morphed into a master people-pleaser who abandoned her own wants and desires.

I followed every rule. Excelled at everything. And when I discovered I could control my body at 16, I clung to that power with everything I had.

One bowl of Cream of Wheat at 5AM.
Two tangerines for lunch.
Popcorn or salad for dinner.
Two hours at the gym.

My body responded.
I went from 130 pounds to 106.
And I thought, aha, look who’s in control now.

A Perfect Life on the Outside — A Fractured Inner World

Photo: Weighing myself

When Bill and I started dating, he encouraged me to eat. Three meals per day. Snacks. Whole sandwiches with meat and mayonnaise. I appreciated being cared for. And I was hungry.

But don’t get it twisted:
I still counted every calorie.
Still weighed myself daily.
Still lived as a body, not a whole human, a woman.

I continued to check boxes:
Master’s degree? Check.
Marriage? Check.
Two daughters? Check.
Leadership roles at UC San Diego? Check.

I looked like I had it together.

Inside, though, something else was happening.

After Molly and Kelly were born, my limbic system woke up. I began to feel emotions beyond fear and anxiety. I knew love, joy, empathy, and gratitude. My humanity peeked through the cracks of a perfect persona, my mask. Yet, despite feeling these human feelings, I still compartmentalized—boss, mommy, friend, daughter, body, etc.

Cracking Open: The Breakdown That Saved Me

Everything changed when I had a mental breakdown at a national conference for the research project I led. I flew from New Orleans, where the meeting was held, back home to San Diego. This loss of control scared me enough to seek out therapy. Within ten minutes of hearing my history, she diagnosed me with PTSD.

My body had obeyed for decades.
My mind had stayed in control.
Until suddenly, they both said:

No more.

Trauma, long buried, began rising along with rage, grief, and fear, sadness, fear. This mess of emotions flooded my body, brain, mind, central nervous system, my fingernails. I could no longer outrun or outperform myself.

So, I began the long journey of reclaiming my body, my soul, my connection to the earth, and my actual life through therapy, writing, surfing, deep relationships, and radical honesty.

Photo: Surfing

Reclaiming Our Rewilding: Remembering Who We Are

Photo: Me at peace

I believe we are born perfect until the world fucks us up.

My cracking open marked my return to my roots, my wisdom, and my true and perfect self.

Here’s what I’ve learned on my rewilding journey:

• I am the heroine of my story. I hold onto the joy and sorrow, the highs and lows.
• I live an integrated, whole, interconnected life. This grounding lets me be bold, loud, inconvenient, revolutionary.
• I am a creator. Creativity is my life force.

Sharon Blackie writes, “Creation, and so creativity, is the act of giving life, the nourishing and enhancement of life, in whatever way you choose to do it. And when we find our individual creative power, we can harness it and use it to fight for what we care about, to remake the world in our own image.”

That’s what the LOUDER GIRL community is about.
That’s the journey I want to lead women through.

December Is the Time: Rest, Reflection, and Reawakening

We often wait for catastrophe such as a breakdown, diagnosis, divorce, job loss to finally pause and look inward.

But our heroine’s journey doesn’t have to begin with a disaster.

We can choose to:

• slow down
• rest
• reflect
• listen
• lean into intuition
• return to our knowing
• reconnect with our bodies and the earth

And what better time than December, the season of stillness, darkness, rest, and renewal?

Photo: If Women Rose Rooted, Sharon Blackie

"If women remember that once upon a time we sang with the tongues of seals and flew with the wings of swans, that we forged our own paths through the dark forest while creating a community of its many inhabitants, then we will rise up rooted like trees. And if we rise up rooted, like trees...well, then women might indeed save not only ourselves, but the world."—Sharon Blackie, If Women Rose Rooted

Do you need to go run naked through a forest and howl at the moon?

No.
Unless you want to.

What I’m saying is:
Reconnection is the medicine.

10 Journaling Prompts for Rooted Reconnection

1. “Before there was the Word, there was the land…” How does this make you feel?
2. How are you separate from nature?
3. What would it feel like to slip back into the skin you lost?
4. “Something in us knows there is somewhere we should be going.” Where should you be going now?
5. Is “out of control” an option in your life? If so, what does that feel like? If not, why not?
6. Have you ever felt safe in a woman’s body? How might you?
7. What does “wise woman” mean to you?
8. Has a piece of land ever claimed you? What did it teach you?
9. Go outside and listen: what does the land’s “dreaming” say to you?
10. “Conscious femininity is bringing the wisdom of nature back into consciousness.” What does this mean to you?

Simple Activities to Reconnect with Your Body and the Earth

1. Body Scan Meditation
   Lie down and bring awareness to every part of your body. Notice any sensations, emotions, or thoughts without judgment.

2. Barefoot Walking
   Feel the earth directly beneath your feet—ground, sand, soil, grass.

3. Sensory Awakening
   Sit outside and focus on one sense at a time:

• Sound – listen near and far
• Touch – feel the air and ground
• Smell – notice scents around you
• Sight – open your eyes and see fully

Summary of the Blog

This is the story of my journey from disconnection to reclamation. My perfectionism, childhood trauma, and decades of controlling my body cut me off from my roots. My breakdown forced me to finally listen, heal, and return to my true self.

Using Sharon Blackie’s teachings on rewilding, I remind us that December is the perfect time to slow down, rest, reflect, and reconnect with our bodies, intuition, and the earth. Through prompts and practices, I invite you to begin your heroine’s journey not through catastrophe, but through intentional stillness, deep listening, and rising rooted—together—as LOUDER GIRLS.

Upcoming Gatherings

RSVP for Free BECOMING A LOUDER GIRL December Webinars:
The winter months give us permission to reclaim rest, reflect, and renew. Join these free webinars to find out how and get support from other women.

BECOMING A LOUDER GIRL: Reclaiming Rest, Reflection, and Renewal
December 8th and 22nd | 4–5 PM Pacific
Walk away with connection, support, peace, and the fire to keep going.
YES, I’m In → RSVP Now https://www.loudergirl.com/webinar

Coming Soon: HEROINE RISING: A 6-Week Live Workshop
Step Fully into Your Power and Be the Heroine of Your Own Story
This is the next level — for the woman ready to stop shrinking and start SHINING, unapologetically surrounded by women who see and celebrate her.

In this workshop, you’ll discover:

• How to become the heroine of your story
• How to reclaim your power
• How to “mother” and love yourself to find and use your voice
• How to become an awakened/conscious/whole leader, the kind the world needs
• How we rise together

Spaces are limited. Join the waiting list and claim your seat at the table of sisterhood.

Put Me on the Wait List! → https://www.loudergirl.com/gatherings