BECOMING A LOUDER GIRL: Pausing for Perimenopause and Menopause (Part 1 of 2)

Over the last few weeks, I’ve written about self-truth, healing, and building the foundation to become an Ignited Leader. The first step is to be the leader and director of our own lives.

As you know, 2025 kicked my ass .
It cracked me open.
It demanded I stop outsourcing my authority and start mentoring and supporting other women to do the same.

But I’d be lying by omission if I didn’t tell you this:

Perimenopause nearly broke me.

When My Hormones Staged a Coup

Because David—my second husband—was a wonderful father to my girls and didn’t have biological children of his own, I said we could try for a baby before I turned forty.

My hormones had opinions.

Photo: Pregnant with Molly

Hormones:
We were on board to have Molly at 25 and Kelly at 28? Done.
Then you want us to do this again at 38?
Are you sure about this?

Within four months, I was pregnant.
At 39, I gave birth to Jack .

Photo: Me with the kids

After five months postpartum, Jack decided we were done with breastfeeding (by biting my nipple in the same place twice). Weirdly, I lactated for two more years after weaning Jack.
Also, losing baby weight was a hell of a lot easier in my twenties than in my forties.

Still, I believed the lie we’re sold:
If you work hard enough, your body will comply.

Strong. Fit. In Control. (Or So I Thought.)

Photo: Jumping

At 43, I joined CrossFit and Weight Watchers and lost nearly forty pounds.
I was strong. Fit. Clear-headed.
I wore a t-shirt that said, “Strong Is the New Skinny.”

For years, my body “fell in line.”

And then—without notice— my hormones had a covert meeting without me .

Over the next seven… eight… ten… forever years,
my body stopped responding to discipline, control, and willpower.

It didn’t belong to me anymore.

The Symptoms No One Warned Me About

Photo: Perimenopause

Here’s what no one told me perimenopause could look like:

• Brain fog – Why am I in the kitchen? Why did I forget my kid at school?
• Hot flashes & night sweats – Naked. Windows open. Still sweating.
• Mood swings – Anxiety and depression went from 2 to 10.
• Itchy skin & ears – Scratching until I bled. Crying in the shower.
• Dizziness & tinnitus – Vertigo and ringing became daily companions.
• Heart palpitations – Terrifying, especially with family heart disease.
• Sleep disturbances – Hello, 2a to 4 a.m.
• Weight gain & redistribution – Suddenly shaped like a walking mattress.
• Body odor – Mouth, pits, vagina. Nothing worked.
• Digestive issues – Bloating and gas so bad I cherished driving alone.

I was irritable. Raw. Overstimulated.
I wondered why David had to breathe or chew.

My hair fell out at my hairline and grew on my chin.
I had zits and crepey skin.
My body felt loud. Unruly. Embarrassing.

The Day My Body Publicly Betrayed Me

Photo: Pills, tampons, and pads

Jack was a freshman at Valhalla High, playing water polo.
It was October. Warm. I’d just turned 54.

My periods had been either nonexistent or biblical.

That day? Biblical.

Two tampons. A maxi-pad. Cotton skirt. Long T-shirt.
I sat alone on the pool deck away from friends and other people cheering on the Valhalla Norsemen.

And then I felt it.

Blood dripped down my leg.
Mixing with chlorinated pool water.
Seeping into my skirt.

My heart raced. Tears burned.
Fuck. What should I do?

I waddled to the restroom where I stuffed my underwear with paper towels, then walked to my car with my thighs clenched, and once in the car sat with my forehead against the steering wheel.

I texted David that I was leaving.
I drove home like “my life” depended on it.

Why Are You Telling Us This?

Because this is what silence looks like.

While my body unraveled, I got quieter. Smaller.
I stopped cheering. I stopped taking up space.

And that’s not accidental.

Why So Many of Us Don’t Know We’re in Perimenopause

1. Our Worth Has Been Tied to Reproduction

Photo: Pregnant woman

When we bleed for the first time, it’s celebrated as proof we can reproduce but regardless we are told to endure this coming of age not in a quiet and shameful way.

When our fertile years end…
We’re labeled crazy, difficult, past our prime, or erased entirely.

No rituals. No reverence. No roadmap.

2. Religion Taught Us Our Bodies Are Problems

Menstruation was “unclean.”

Desire was sinful.
Infertility was punishment.
Aging meant invisibility.

We learned early:
Manage your body quietly. Don’t trust it.

3. Medicine Wasn’t Built for Middle-Aged Women

Perimenopause—the 10+ year hormonal reckoning—is barely taught and not recognized.

Instead, we hear:

• “Your labs are normal.”
• “It’s stress.”
• “You’re depressed.”
• “Welcome to aging.”

Our symptoms are treated in pieces, never as a whole.

4. We Were Taught Control = Virtue

Eat less. Push harder. Don’t complain.

So, when our bodies stop responding, we blame ourselves—
not the lie that control was ever going to work.

5. Silence Keeps Systems Comfortable

If women understood perimenopause:

• Workplaces would change.
• Medicine would listen.
• Power dynamics would shift.

Silence keeps us doubting ourselves instead.

This Is Not a Breakdown. It’s a Threshold.

Perimenopause isn’t the end.

It’s a reckoning.
A stripping away.
A return to self-truth.

And yes—
it’s also the moment many of us stop giving two fucks what anyone else thinks.

That’s not failure.
It’s freedom.

A Simple Way to Start Listening to Your Body

1. Ask One Question a Day

Instead of “What’s wrong with me?” try:
“What do I need today?”

Then listen—without fixing.

An Invitation to Get LOUDER 

If you’ve been told “this is just aging,”
if you’ve been sweating, bleeding, forgetting, unraveling—and wondering “Is it just me?”
this is your invitation.

Perimenopause is not a breakdown.
It’s a threshold to freedom—the moment many of us stop giving a rat’s ass what anyone else thinks and start telling the truth.

Silence keeps us lonely.
Storytelling sets us free.

In Part 2, I share what happened when—after eight years of perimenopause hell —a woman doctor finally heard me and saw me. No gaslighting. No minimizing. Just truth.
I trusted my body, my truth. I started hormones. Everything shifted.

If you’re ready to stop whispering, stop blaming yourself, and stop doing this alone—

Come read Part 2.
This is how we get LOUDER.

RSVP for the next January Webinar, Free BECOMING A LOUDER GIRL:

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Join these free webinars to find out how to be the leader of your own life and get support from other women in the LOUDER GIRL community

BECOMING A LOUDER GIRL: Be the Leader of Your Life
January 19th | 4–5 PM Pacific
Walk away with connection to your authentic self and others to become the leaders the world needs NOW. 

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February 2 & 16 | 4–5 PM Pacific
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This is the next level — for the woman ready to stop shrinking and start SHINING, unapologetically surrounded by women who see and celebrate her.

In this workshop, you’ll discover:

• How to become the heroine of your story
• How to reclaim your power
• How to “mother” and love yourself to find and use your voice
• How to become an awakened/conscious/whole leader, the kind the world needs
• How we rise together

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