BECOMING A LOUDER GIRL: Mothering and Loving Yourself Is the Key to Being a Successful Leader

I know. I know.
It’s a bold and disruptive concept — that loving ourselves unconditionally and asking for what we want and need is the key to successful leadership.

But this isn’t just a nice idea.
It’s the epiphany that changed everything for me.

A Divine Season of Change

Maybe it was the Fall Equinox on September 22, 2025.
Maybe it was my 62nd birthday, the Harvest Moon, or being set free from the nonprofit I’d been consulting for.
Maybe it was joining a Shakti Leadership cohort.

Whatever it was — something divine or just time — it makes sense the epiphany came during fall.

Because fall is the season to:

• Let go of what no longer serves us
• Accept change — life, death, and rebirth
• Slow down and look inward to find balance and peace

The Crisis: Losing My Voice

It started eight years ago:

• Let go from UC San Diego.
• Fired by the Tribe.
• And finally, f@cked and not even kissed by the nonprofit.

Three times.
Three heartbreaks.
Three lessons I wasn’t ready to learn.

I played the victim — pity party of one — blaming every institution for treating me poorly. I gave them my heart, my time, my soul. When they let me go, my self-worth tanked, and my self-loathing spiked.

I shrank.
I lost my voice.
I swung between depression, apathy, and rage.

The Mirror Moment

Years ago, a friend told me:
“When one person says your hair looks bad, you shrug it off.
When three people say it, you look in the mirror.”

For eight years, I avoided the mirror.
But when I finally looked…

BAM. SHAZAM. POW.

I wasn’t just complicit.
I was the problem.
I was the boot on my own chest, the hands around my throat.

I’d given away control of my story. I’d let others define my worth.

This didn’t make sense after accomplishing so much like:

• Earning my PhD at 52
• Bringing millions in funding to UCSD for community health
• Raising three incredible children
  
• Creating LOUDER GIRL to help women reclaim their voices

But the mirror doesn’t lie, and I realized I’d been giving away my voice, my power, and my story my whole life. I’ve fawned since I was a child.

Fawning: A Survival Skill Turned Leadership Trap

One of the four trauma responses is fawn — people-pleasing to stay safe.
As a kid in a chaotic home, I became the peacemaker, the mask-wearer, the good girl.

I made everyone else okay, except me.

As an adult, UCSD, the Tribe, and the nonprofit became my new “family.”
And I reverted to survival mode:

• I bit my tongue.
• I had no boundaries.
• I let others define my value.

BAM. SHAZAM. POW.

I realized:

• I’d given away my power.
• I’d let others write my story.
• It was time to take it all back.

It has been a long and painful journey to get here, and it is an astonishing gift.

Shakti Leadership: Finding Wholeness

In May 2025, I joined the Shakti Leadership program.

I’d long known the hypermasculine leadership model of power, greed, and hierarchy was broken.

I also knew my hyperfeminine, fawning approach wasn’t working either.

I needed balance and wholeness.

BAM. SHAZAM. POW.

And then came the biggest epiphany — I’d been waiting for someone to mother me, to love me unconditionally. I’d expected partners, friends, colleagues, and my children to fill me up. And I’d been wrong.

At 62, I finally understood: I must mother and love myself. I’m the only one who can.

Shakti Leadership Principles

The core of Shakti Leadership is balance between:

• Masculine power: action, decisiveness, clarity, structure
• Feminine power: empathy, collaboration, creativity, intuition

We need both.
It’s not a battle — it’s a dance.
A flow. A wholeness.

Now What?

Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.

I know it’s a lot.
It took me decades to figure out this puzzle.
But now, I stand grounded, mothered, beloved, and strong — ready to support women with LOUDER GIRL to:

1. Love and mother themselves
2. Become the heroine of their story
3. Find their voice and strength
4. Gather in a powerful community

Ready to Get LOUDER, Girl?

If you’re ready to take care of yourself and strengthen your circle through storytelling, here are two ways:

1. FREE LOUDER GIRL Webinar:

BECOMING A LOUDER GIRL: Surrender to the Season & Strengthen Your Circle
Date: October 23rd
Time: 4–5 PM Pacific
RSVP: loudergirl.com/webinar

Walk away with clarity, peace, and renewed power.

2. HEROINE RISING: A 6-Week Live Workshop

Step into your story unapologetically — surrounded by women who see and celebrate you.

You will:

• Quiet the inner critic
• Release limiting beliefs
• Step boldly into your story

Dates: 2026 Dates TBA
Time: 4–5:30 PM PT
Where: Live on Zoom
Sign up: loudergirl.com/gatherings