BECOMING A LOUDER GIRL: I Didn’t Want to Show Up (But I Did Anyway) — Part 2 of 2

I Almost Didn’t Stay

In Part 1, I told you the truth:

I didn’t want to go.

I was:

• Tired
• Hopeless
• Deep in my people-pleasing, perfectionist, imposter syndrome spiral

And I didn’t have the energy to perform being okay

when I wasn’t.

Because let’s be honest…

The world feels heavy.
Sometimes it feels like hate is louder than love.
And sometimes I wonder:

What difference can one person make?

Photo: Me

Then I Heard It

“If not me, who? If not now, when?”

Damn it.

So, I went.

 

The Festival: Where I Felt Like a Fraud

I was late. Of course.

I rolled in sweaty, dragging my wagon, already behind.

And the women next to me?

They had their shit together.

Beautiful banners.
Stacks of published books.
Giveaways. Systems. Confidence.

Meanwhile, I had…

doubt.

“Who do you think you are?”

That voice came in fast.

Loud.

Cruel.

No one is going to care what you have to say.

I almost left.

I almost went back to my fort—
my safe place,
my quiet place,
my invisible place.

 

And Then Power-With Showed Up

Photo: Me and S. Kensington

“Hey,” Kensington said. “Let me help you.”

Before I could protest, she was already:

• Hanging my LOUDER GIRL banner
• Lending me zip ties
• Welcoming me like I belonged

Within 10 minutes…

My booth was up.

But more than that?

I was held.

 

“I’m a LOUDER GIRL.”

Kensington said it like it was obvious.

Like it was truth.

She told me about her book.
About writing a bold female character.
About the backlash.

“Katrinka’s slutty.”
“It’s not right.”

Because apparently…

Men get freedom.
Women get judged.

Sound familiar?

 

And Then Something Shifted

Kensington didn’t quit.

She kept going

And then came the Kirkus Review.
The awards.
The recognition.

But here’s what mattered most:

She handed me her book and said:

“From one LOUDER GIRL to another.”

 

Then Came Deborah

Wild gray hair. Wise eyes. Presence.

She told me her story based on her memoir, Grit & Grace: The Transformation of a Ship and Soul:

A commune.
A spiritual collapse.
Bioterrorism.
Rebuilding a 50-foot boat.
Sailing across the Pacific.

I mean… WHAT?

 

“If I can do this, anyone can.”

At first, I thought:

Nope. Not me. Not doing that.

But then I got it.

It’s not about the magnitude.
It’s about courage.

 

The Engineer Who Chose Courage

Photo: Engineer and Me

She didn’t plan this.

A young engineer, in San Diego for work, found the festival online and came anyway—nervous, unsure, but curious.

Curiosity over fear. That’s leadership.

She told me she was one of two women in a program of one hundred.
That speaking up in a male-dominated field takes everything.

And still—she stayed.

Still—she’s dreaming bigger.

She wants to write a children’s book to get girls into STEAM.
To make sure the next generation doesn’t feel as alone as she did.

And here’s what mattered:

Someone believed in her.

A boss who said,
“If anyone gives you crap, you tell me.”

That’s power-with.

That’s what keeps women in the room.

That’s what changes who gets to lead.

 

Micro Moments of Ignited Leadership

This is where everything clicked.

We don’t become leaders in one grand moment.

We become leaders in tiny, radical choices.

 

1. Self-Truth (Leadership Begins Within)

“I don’t want Chinese food. I want pizza.”

Simple. Honest. Real.

 

2. The Body Is Your Compass

Pause. Ask: What do I need right now?

Eat. Rest. Step outside.
When your body whispers, not when it screams.

 

3. Courage Over Comfort

Speak up in the meeting.
Make eye contact.
Say no.
Even when your voice shakes.

 

4. Power-With, Not Power-Over

Credit a woman publicly.
Share resources.
Ask: “What do you think?”

 

And Then… Her

A young woman came to my booth with her husband.

I asked:

“What do you want to get louder about?”

She hesitated. Looked at him.

“I know you don’t want me to talk about it.”

He waved her off. Walked away.

She picked up the pen.

And wrote:

Infertility.
Stillbirth.
“My baby exists also. He is love.”

 

Stop Right There

Because this?

This is everything.

 

The Stories We Silence

We are taught:

• Don’t talk about infertility
• Don’t talk about stillbirth
• Don’t make people uncomfortable
• Don’t grieve out loud

So, we carry it.

Alone.

 

LOUDER GIRL Truth

Her baby exists.

Not as a footnote.
Not as a tragedy to move past.

But as:

Love.
Memory.
Motherhood.

This Is What Leadership Looks Like

Not polished.
Not performative.
Not convenient.

But true.

That moment?

That was Ignited Leadership.

 

What Actually Happened That Day

I thought I was showing up to:

• Promote LOUDER GIRL
• Talk about leadership
• Be “on”

But what happened?

I witnessed:

• Women helping women
• Women telling the truth
• Women choosing courage in real time 

 

The Truth I Can’t Ignore

I didn’t want to go.

I didn’t believe it mattered.

I thought I was too small, too tired, too late.

But here’s what I learned:

Ignited Leadership doesn’t happen when you feel ready.
It happens when you show up anyway.

And sometimes…

It happens when a woman writes:

“My baby exists also. He is love.”

And refuses to let that truth disappear.

 

Final Thought

This is how we change the world.

Not in perfect moments.
But in real ones.

 

IGNITED LEADER SPOTLIGHT

Photo: S. KENSINGTON 

S. Kensington 

Author of Just Another Girl on the Road

www.skensington.com

 

She Didn’t Just Write a Book—She Rewrote the Narrative

Kensington didn’t wait for permission.

She didn’t wait until she felt “ready.”

She left an emotionally abusive marriage—
with no job. No car. No safety net.

And in that moment?

She knew:

“I can do anything I set my mind to.”

Including writing a novel that challenges everything we’ve been taught about women.

 

The Fear

“I never thought I knew enough… that I had the experiences needed to write a book.”

Sound familiar?

That voice that says:

➜ You’re not smart enough
➜ You’re not experienced enough
➜ You’re not enough

Kensington heard it.

And she kept going anyway.

 

Why She Didn’t Quit

“Bullheadedness,” she says.

But let’s call it what it really is:

Conviction.

“I needed to tell this woman’s story.”

Not a polished story.
Not a “good girl” story.

A real one.

Disrupting the Narrative

Kensington is done apologizing.

“I refuse to conform to expected morals, values, or social constrictions.”

She wrote a female character who:

• Owns her desires
• Makes her own choices
• Lives outside the rules

And the response?

Criticism. Judgment. Shame.

Because here’s the truth she uncovered:

➜ Society tolerates violence against women
➜ But shames women for their sexuality

Let that sink in.

 

This Is Ignited Leadership

Not playing by the rules.
Not shrinking to fit expectations.

But saying:

“I will tell the truth even if it makes people uncomfortable.”

 

How She Sustains It

Kensington doesn’t burn out to prove a point.

She leads by:

• Resting
• Setting firm boundaries
• Spending time in nature
• Protecting her energy

No more giving it all away.

Her Message to You

“I did it. And you can do it, too.”

No qualifiers.
No gatekeeping.

Just truth.

 

The Plot Twist

Kensington says she doesn’t see herself as a leader.

And yet—

People are drawn to her independence.
Her joy.
Her unapologetic way of living.

That’s the thing about Ignited Leaders:

They don’t always claim the title.
They just live the truth.

 

Louder Girl Takeaway

You don’t need permission.
You don’t need perfection.

You need:

Truth. Courage. And the willingness to not conform.

 

Are you ready to be a Louder Girl?

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“Yes. I want more of this.”

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