Balancing on the Teeter-Totter of Dreams: How the Stockdale Paradox Can Make You Unstoppable

I’m a Libra woman.

I’m not telling you, so you’ll send me birthday wishes, but if you’re curious it’s October 3rd.

But I digress…

Some of our top traits are:

✅Fair
✅Flirty
✅A strong sense for justice
✅A natural leader
✅Intelligent
✅Fun to be around
❓Balanced in all areas of life

Here’s the thing: balance has always been my dream, but rarely my reality.
If the Libra sign is symbolized by scales, mine should be a teeter-totter.

My Version of Balance

Instead of steady equilibrium, I swing between extremes:

1. Full-blown party animal → recluse
2. Joyful → depressed
3. Passionate → apathetic
4. Optimist → cynic
5. Extrovert → introvert
6. Perfectionist → casual
7. Hopeful → hopeless
8. Dreamer → realist

With time, maturity, and sheer exhaustion from seesawing, I’ve realized something: My mental, physical, spiritual, financial, social, and emotional wellbeing depends on finding flow between reality and dreams.

The Dreamworks Project

Enter Sarah Kent, Wild Soul Coach.
She popped into my LinkedIn inbox with:

“Thank you for accepting my connection request. I am growing a network of inspiring women here on LinkedIn and I am delighted to have you part of it. Warm wishes, Sarah.”

Her LinkedIn profile stated "Helping Women Live Extraordinary Lives."
On her website, I was greeted with with the Mary Oliver quote:

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

Sarah’s Dreamworks Project connects women to their dreams—whether personal, community-based, or world-changing. In the last year, she’s interviewed over 250 women, sharing their anonymized dreams weekly on Substack.

When she asked me to participate, my answer was obvious:
Yes, please!

Reality vs. Dreams

When Sarah and I met on Zoom, continents apart, I instantly felt Sarah’s warmth and focus—like I was her first interview, not her 251st.

She asked me:

1. What would you like to happen during our time together?
2. What happens when you create that in your life?

My answer was clear: LOUDER GIRL.

I envisioned LOUDER GIRL communities across the world—safe spaces for us to share our stories, practice radical self-love, heal ourselves and each other, and rewrite the narratives society hands us.

The was I didn't know how to bridge the gap between my LOUDER GIRL dream and my reality. 

Enter the Stockdale Paradox

Sarah introduced me to the Stockdale Paradox, named after Admiral James Stockdale—a POW during the Vietnam War who endured unimaginable suffering, yet held unwavering faith he would survive.

The other POWs who set unrealistic timelines (“home by Christmas”) often succumbed to despair. Stockdale balanced acknowledging brutal reality with faith in a better outcome.

That was my lightbulb moment:
I need one foot in the messy, imperfect present and one foot planted firmly in the dream of LOUDER GIRL.

From Quiet to Queen: 7 Steps to Owning Your Power and Path

1. Face the facts – Be honest about the challenges you’re dealing with.
2. Believe you’ll get through it – Know at your core that you can overcome obstacles and succeed.
3. Focus on what you can control – Take small, concrete actions to improve your situation.
4. Let go of strict deadlines – Stay hopeful without tying your success to a fixed timeline.
5. Learn from setbacks – Treat mistakes and obstacles as lessons, not failures.
6. Stay flexible – Be ready to change your plan when things shift.
7. Get help and feedback – Build a support system and listen to constructive advice.

Your turn: How will you use the Stockdale Paradox to achieve your dreams?

Ready To Get LOUDER?

If you're ready to take care of yourself and strengthen your circle through storytelling, join me at the next FREE immersive LOUDER GIRL Webinar:

BECOMING A LOUDER GIRL:
Surrender to the Season & Strengthen Your Circle
Date: October 6th and 23rd
Time: 4 PM to 5 PM Pacific
RSVP Here: https://www.loudergirl.com/webinar
You’ll walk away with new clarity, peace, and acceptance.

HEROINE RISING
A 6-week live workshop beginning November 6th. Together, we will:

• Quiet the inner critic.
• Release limiting beliefs.
• Step boldly into our stories.

Date: Thursdays starting November 6th
Time: 4 pm – 5:30 pm PT
Where: Live on Zoom
Sign up here: https://www.loudergirl.com/gatherings
Through guided storytelling, writing, and sisterhood, you’ll learn to take up space unapologetically, speak your truth with confidence, and rise in the company of women who uplift and celebrate you.