A Louder Girl Discovers the Good Trouble of Telling the Truth

I almost didn't stand up.

Who was I to speak at Barry's funeral after more than forty years?

We had dated for six months in high school. Since then, we'd lived completely different lives. I got married, had children, built a career, earned a PhD, and surrounded myself with family and friends.

Barry never married. Never had children.

And now he was gone.

As I sat in the chapel listening to people speak about him, something felt wrong.

The stories being told weren't really about Barry.

One person talked about a beautiful blonde woman and a red Mustang convertible.

Another talked about his faith using words someone else had written for him.

But where was Barry?

Where was the lonely boy who struggled to breathe through asthma attacks?

Where was the friend?

Where was the human being?

Then the pastor asked:
"Would anyone else like to say a few words?"

Before I could talk myself out of it, I was on my feet.

Not because I had prepared a speech.

Not because I had the right words.

Because someone needed to tell the truth.

I spoke about the boy I knew.

I spoke about the loneliness I saw in his eyes even when he smiled.

I spoke about the friendship we shared.

I cried for the teenager he had been and for the man who never seemed to find the connection he deserved.

Image: Teenage love

After the service, strangers approached me.

A coworker told me, "I've worked with Barry for years and I never knew him. You gave me a glimpse of who he was."

His boss said, "I had no idea."

That's when I realized something important.

Leadership isn't always standing at the front of a room.

Sometimes leadership stands up when something important is missing.

Sometimes leadership tells the truth when silence is easier.

Sometimes leadership ensures a person's humanity is not erased.

The Truth We Don't Want to Talk About

Barry died by suicide.

A few years later, my cousin died of heart failure after decades of heroin addiction.

At her funeral, we weren't supposed to talk about the drugs.

At Barry's funeral, people didn't want to talk about the suicide.

We wanted tidy stories.

Comfortable stories.

Stories that wouldn't make anyone uncomfortable.

But healing doesn't happen in silence.

When we refuse to talk about trauma, addiction, depression, loneliness, or suicide, those struggles don't disappear.

They go underground.

Shame grows.

Isolation grows.

People suffer alone.

And sometimes they die alone.

Image: Do you see me?

If we want fewer overdoses, fewer suicides, and fewer people silently carrying unbearable pain, we must get louder about mental health.

We must normalize asking for help.

We must normalize telling the truth.

We must normalize being human.

We must cause GOOD TROUBLE.

The GOOD TROUBLE of Leading Your Life

What does this have to do with IGNITED LEADERSHIP?

Everything.

Ignited Leadership is not about titles.

It's not about power.

It's not about being the loudest person in the room.

It's about the small moments when you choose courage over comfort.

It's about leading your life.

It's about refusing to look away.

It's about seeing people.

It's about being willing to tell the truth with compassion.

Those moments may seem small.

They aren't.

They change lives.

Micro-Moments of Courage

Image: Eye to Eye

Leadership is:

• Texting a friend and saying, "You've been on my mind."
• Asking, "How are you really doing?" and staying long enough to hear the answer.
• Putting your phone down and being fully present with someone you love.
• Saying, "I need help."
• Telling the truth about your struggles.
• Checking on the person who always says they're fine.
• Being willing to have the uncomfortable conversation.

I remember watching a 60 Minutes segment about the Zulu tribe of South Africa.

Their traditional greeting is Sawubona.
"I see you."
The response is Ngikhona.
"I am here."

Maybe that's where leadership begins.

Not with power.

Not with performance.

Not with having all the answers.

But with seeing another human being and allowing yourself to be seen.

Barry deserved that.

We all do.

Ready for More GOOD TROUBLE?

Good trouble starts when you stop abandoning yourself.

When you tell the truth.
When you trust your voice.
When you choose courage over comfort.
When you lead your life instead of waiting for permission.

That's Ignited Leadership.

And you don't have to do it alone.

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A place where women:

• Reclaim their voices
• Tell the truth about who they are and what they want
• Practice courage in everyday moments
• Lead their lives first
• Build power-with, not power-over
• Find belonging, connection, and joy
• Rise together instead of alone

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Because the world doesn't need women who stay small.
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